Okay, I'll admit it. I'm feeling sentimental tonight. Usually, I'm the one packing to fly to some distant land. This time it is my very American husband. Tomorrow he leaves for Haiti to continue the legal process for the Heart Cry International orphanage, "My Heart's Home." It is the first time he's gone overseas without me in a long, long time.
Travel is easy for me. I feel at home wherever I am. But for Ron, travel can be a challenge. It's not just the possible motion-sickness. It's sleeping in strange places, having no privacy, and missing his beloved coffee shops! (Starbucks may go bankrupt without him this week! Smile) If it were not for his sincere love for the world, he would be very happy staying in Mt.Pleasant, Michigan.
Yet he goes. Whether to the slums of Uganda, the heat of Nigeria, or the quake-ravaged Haiti, he goes with sincere joy and absolute commitment. His love for God and for the hurting surpasses his love for comfort and home. As I watched him prepare for the trip with excitement and apprehension combined, my heart nearly burst with fresh love. What a man God gave me!
If you read my previous post, you know I've been reading "The Love Dare" by Kendrick and enlarging my heart. I now realize that I started reading the book because of another book by Gary Smalley called, "If He Only Knew." Gary said that when women read these books and begin to change, their husbands are drawn to read the books too. I should have known better - manipulation is not a good way to improve a marriage. Smile. Ron has stated often the past week, "I so appreciate you loving me enough to read this book." No intention of reading the book at all on his part!
But that's okay. Because it's enough for me to read the book. As I'm reading, I'm realizing that he really doesn't have to do a thing for me to love him more. I chose to love this man nearly 30 years ago when he was broke, wearing torn bib-overalls and long hair. I will love him until the day one or both of us leaves this earth. How he performs, how he returns my love is his choice. I am grateful he chooses well!
I'm learning to be grateful for the positives in Ron, without making them a reason for loving him. More and more, my love for him is based on personal choice and less on his performance. I think this has been freeing for both of us. He's free of the pressure to please me and surprisingly wants to bless me even more. I'm no longer tormented by reasons to withhold part of my heart or to be frustrated with him. Most of my struggles were rooted in his inability/sometimes ignorance or refusal to perform for me - to manifest those positive attributes I value so much. When I started loving Ron with the Agape love of Jesus, which is genuinely unconditional, I was set free at a new level.
Don't get me wrong. For those who might wonder: Our marriage has been good and we have not been fighting. My desire to see our marriage improve stemmed from the fact that we're nearing 30 years and I wanted us to keep growing. That's it. Of course I assumed HE was the one who would need to do the MOST growing. Smile...Surprise, surprse!
In the end, I'm so thankful I picked up this book. Our marriage IS growing because I am growing. And my changes are releasing changes in our marriage that are precious and oh, so sweet. I've never loved Ron more than I do now. I'm not oblivious to negative things he might say or do...they just don't matter as much as they did before. He belongs to God. If he needs any changing, I'm sure my heavenly Father will handle it all just fine! In the meantime, I'll continue to stay soft and teachable as God grows me.
If you want to read a personal thanks written to honor my husband, please go to http://heartcryinternational.blogspot.com. I DO thank God for Ron and look forward to another 30 years with him!
So, how is marriage going for you????
Love to you,
Pastor Carla
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2 comments:
I was in the car today listening to Randy Carlson's program. The topic was separation/divorce. A gentleman called in to say that Randy had given him wonderful advice 7 years ago when he was separated from his wife. The advice - start with yourself. The man invested the next year in learning more about himself as a husband. Though separated, his wife was watching the process and she saw a change in him. Today they share a marriage that is stronger than ever. You are so right - it is so worth the journey.
Pastor Carla,
It must be different to have the shoe on the other foot with Pastor Ron going to Haiti while you are at homestead. I like what you said about you reading the book and P. Ron committing that he is glad that you are reading the book, but perhaps with no intention of himself reading it. I feel the same way. However, its these books that do bring a change of perspective and help us to appreciate our spouse better. God bless. Enjoy reading the updates. :) Curt and Nancy Spigelmyre
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