Last month was Pastor's Appreciation Month in the United States. Pastor Ron and I were touched by those who sent cards and the thoughtful gifts. The encouragement means so much! This is true every month of the year for any pastor's or leader's wife.
What makes their lives different from yours?
Most pastor's wives share their spouse with an entire congregation. If there's an emergency in the church, anniversary celebrations and date nights must wait. Husbands are gone often in the evenings, as well as office hours during the day. I can remember hearing a single mom years ago talking about how difficult it is to get the children to church on Sunday morning and thinking how much I related - I prepped our children and got us to church alone every Sunday of our entire marriage. My children ate late lunches because there were people in need of prayer at the altar until three in the afternoon. Smile. It was a normal way of life for us.
There is an element of warfare in frontline ministry not always seen or experienced by the general congregation. There are wounds from those who hurt in the body and those who leave. There are the pressures of people's expectations, which vary throughout the church. And there is the loss of privacy. Leadership requires transparency and a certain vulnerability. Your life is witnessed - the successes and failures.
If it sounds as if I'm complaining - I'M NOT! I LOVE being a pastor and pastor's wife! I LOVE my church. Any sacrifices or difficulties experienced pale in comparison to the joy and privilege of serving the family of God. However, I think it's good for the family to be reminded of the price paid by their leader's wives. It will give us more grace, love, and patience toward them. Something a pastor's wife like me desperately needs! (Smile)
So HOW do you love a pastor's/leader's wife?
* Take her a meal one night "just because".
* Watch her children during a church function so she can fully participate with her husband. Or so they can go on a date!
* When she's ministering to someone, be extra hands and eyes to help with her children.
* When you know she will be entertaining or has been extra busy, offer to help clean her house or do some laundry. Even if she says no, she'll be grateful!
* Take her out for coffee or lunch as a friend.
* If you're upset with her husband, don't tell her. Tell him.
* If you're upset with her, tell her in private. Pray with her. Be committed to the relationship even when you don't agree.
* Send her cards and notes of encouragement - maybe a small gift now and then! Let her know you see and appreciate what she does.
* Don't give her advice about her marriage, children, or ministry unless she asks you for it. Multiply your opinion by 200 or more and it can be overwhelming! (Smile)
* Don't compare her to any other pastor's or leader's wife. Let her be who God made her to be.
* Be okay with distance, understanding that she's only one woman and cannot be a best friend to everyone. She will be there when you need her.
* Honor time set aside for her family.
* Pray for her.
I know that you already know how to love a pastor's wife, because you have been so good to me these 22 years. Just consider this a loving reminder on behalf of all of our staff, elder's, and trustee's wives. Each one gives so much for this family. They deserve our respect and sincere love.
Thank you for caring...
Pastor Carla
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2 comments:
As a young pastor's wife from Illinois I can't tell you how true this article is. VERY well said Carla!
And I too come from a very loving congregation who just had a pastor appreciation dinner with a household shower for us! Such a wonderful blessing as we're expecting baby #4 any day now.
Amen sister. I'm with you! I just wrote a book that I think you might be interested in reading! Blessings, Wendy Ellis
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