I remember having my first baby. I was amazed by how beautiful he was. Caleb had soft red curls and long lashes. I thought he was perfect and was excited to show him off at church. My first Sunday back at church, I made the rounds throughout the foyer and sanctuary so everyone could see my son. During the service, I took him into the nursery to change his diaper and to nurse him. I was still very new and insecure about feeding him, so I hid against the wall, sitting on the floor by all the toys.
Suddenly a man came into the nursery. He was our friend and was VERY excited about the baby. Without a moment's hesitation, he whipped off the blanket covering Caleb as I fed him, leaving me exposed and extremely embarrassed. Tears came to my eyes. While I tried to recover (and re-cover!) myself, Caleb began to wail with a tummy ache. He had colic and often cried after feeding. The other moms and grandmas in the nursery quickly descended with advise and correction...I wasn't feeding him right, using the right diapers, holding him properly. When I reached the safety of our car later, I dissolved into tears.
All of these people loved me, but they didn't know HOW to love me. There is a difference. So on behalf of the MANY young mothers represented in the local church and broader ministry, here are some tips for loving them the right way:
1) Ask before trying to hold the baby. Be willing to take "no" for an answer without being offended.
2) Listen to their fears or frustrations and pray for them. Sometimes they just need to vent. There are enough voices already telling them what to do!
3) Ask if they want your thoughts or counsel before giving it. Respect their right to refuse your counsel. Assure them that you don't mind if they refuse.
4) Remember that there is more than one way to raise a baby. Your way worked for you, but it may not be right for this baby.
5) Offer to hold the baby so they can be in service...or go on an errand, lunch, or date with their husband during the week.
6) Affirm the positive things they are doing as a parent. Encouragement is a gift!
7) Find out what brand of diapers and/or formula they use and pass off coupons or pick up a few for them. Formula is so expensive and diapers add up!
8) Invite her and her baby (babies) to your home. Be a friend. Let them know you're okay with fingerprints and spilled milk.
My children are raising my grandchildren differently than I raised them. Oh, they have thankfully carried over the good things Pastor Ron and I did as parents, BUT they do many things uniquely. In truth, their ways work! They re the right parenting techniques and styles for their families. My old remedies for child ailments are sometimes still useful, but sometimes they are not. I have learned to let THEM lead when it comes to their children. This is the best way for me to love.
Let's keep growing together!
With Love,
Pastor Carla
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