Women in Ministry - Part IV

The following portion of my testimony concerns my initial application for ordination with another fellowship many years ago. Remember that I struggled with insecurity and low self-esteem as you read today's entry...

I still remember the day of the interview with the fellowship’s ordination committee. I was sick and sad inside. My husband was so encouraging, but I feared he would be disappointed when they turned me down. The interview went fairly well until they arrived at the education portion of the application. “You must have missed this page,” they said. I assured them I hadn’t. I nervously explained that I had been in ministry with my husband since shortly after my salvation and had been needed to assist in teaching and preaching. There had been no time to take classes. They questioned how I was able to fill out the statement of faith so well. I spoke of the hours of study with a face flushed with red with embarrassment. They tried to help me remember some class – ANY class – I had taken that would qualify. There was none. I think we were all a little sad when I left the room that day.

I got their call about one week later. My heart stopped and I burst into tears as the superintendant informed me of their decision. I would be ordained! They waived the educational requirements and accepted my writing, interview, and ministry experience instead. I was officially a minister of the gospel. I sobbed with gratitude, thanking God over and over again. The uneducated girl finally had something to prove she wasn’t stupid after all...or did this prove anything at all?

The title was very important to me. I wanted everyone to celebrate with me. But our church wasn’t ready for a woman pastor yet. My husband asked that I only use the title for outside ministry until the church matured in understanding. For the sake of the church, I agreed – but I was angry. A bitterness entered my heart. I felt rejected and betrayed. Though I outwardly complied, I was raging inside. At times my anger surfaced and I would strike out, but usually I pushed it aside and focused on what I could do. I argued with myself at times – why was it so important after all? Why did I want everyone to acknowledge my new title? I wanted them to be proud of me. I wanted them to affirm me. I wanted them to think I was something special.

It took many years before the church was truly ready for a woman pastor. There was no big announcement or celebration. People just gradually shifted in how they saw me. Those working with me heard me use the title on the mission field. The amazing thing was that by the time the church was ready to call me 'pastor', I no longer needed the title! I had learned that no title qualifies someone for ministry, nor does it prove you have an anointing. I was exactly the same person before and after being ordained in the eyes of God. His plans for my life were not altered by a small piece of paper in my wallet. I didn’t work any harder or earn any more money because of ordination. For me, the title simply confirmed what I already knew in my heart with or without it – I was called to five-fold ministry; to preach and teach the Word of God; to harvest nations with my heavenly Father and to serve Him in His kingdom “business.”

I was raised to call people by their title as a token of respect. I continue to do that as an adult today. I am blessed when people call me “Pastor Carla” – but not because it proves I am special or smart or being used by God. It blesses me because it means they see me as caring for and loving them. I am their pastor. When I hear this title it always warms my heart as when my children call me by my favorite title of all, “Mom.” I no longer need a title to prove anything to anyone. I know who I am. I know Whose I am.

Don't forget to post your comment so we can discuss the theme of this article together. Please don't use anything written here to belittle or discourage your desire for higher education - if I were as young as some of you, I would go to Bible School!!!